Daniel from Portugal [http://yogaportugal.com] writes:

 

I am really loving [Evolutionary Sales] it has turn my world around, I am listening to them in order and I am now on ES012 so if the next 2 two question I have for you have already been answered on the show I would appreciate it if you could direct me to it.

The idea of an integrity and service-based sale is one that I even without knowing had been searching for quite some time, I am very glad I have found you.

Read this sentence to yourself in your mind or out loud:
"My life is the sum total of my own choices; the state of my business is the sum total of my choices".

As you read that and re-read that, what is your experience? Do you feel excitement? Pride? Shame? Do you sense a burden on your shoulders? What does it weigh in your mind? Do you quickly move to insist it is not your "fault". That it was out of your control?

Or do you experience a comforting and/or challenging level of acceptance. A "yup" with a quiet nod of your head?

One thing is for certain-your relationship to that sentence is a good indicator of your level of self-esteem, or your level of healthy egoic development in the positive sense. You see, it is not the big ego that needs defending or asserting in the world; it is the small ego. It is not the big ego that is arrogant, self-righteous, or deflects responsibility and blames others; it is the small, pre-rational, pre-conventional, vengeful, ego-centric ego.

It is a challenging re-frame for most to get their minds around. But just ask yourself this: what kind of ego could achieve a non-dual sense of reality; what kind of ego could be one with all things, moment to moment? A big, huge ego. An ego so large it can be a yes to whatever is arising moment to moment and relate to it, be a part of it. That takes an expanded sense of self. Yet that ego is also diffuse. It is large, but it is flexible. It lacks rigidity. It does not need defending or asserting; it understands its power. As a result, there is nothing to prove to anyone-not even itself.

“We do not respond to reality. We respond to our internal representation of reality.”—NLP Presupposition

“Mind precedes everything. All that you are is a result of what you have thought.”—Buddhist Principle

People of great wisdom and insight in both the East and West agree. Our emotional experience has little or nothing to do with external reality. Oh sure—there are plenty of people, events, situations, and injustices that are easy targets for blame. Bad things happen. And while, often people’s lives are the sum total of their choices, often bad things happen to good people through no action or fault of their own. And less dramatically, unpleasant and undeserved things may happen. Only a fool would dispute that. Events occur. That we cannot change. What we do have tremendous choice over is our experience of those events. And yet, take 5 people and have something negative happen to them and they will all react, respond, and characterize it differently—if even slightly. They will have five different emotional experiences.

What is the difference that makes the difference?

Michael, an Evolutionary Sales listener asks:

My questions are what if the receptionist says that the decision maker doesn’t take incoming calls, you can only reach him by email or leaving a message with me? Also, if the decision maker says there not interested in a sales call, what do you do?

Good questions Michael. There is always a way. Maybe you need to dial another extension and play Columbo and say you were trying to reach so-and-so [decision maker]. You could also ask: what do I need to do to be interesting enough for him/her to take the call? If the decision maker says they are not interested in a sales call then you need to tailor your opening line. What would they be interested in? For instance: "If I could show you how to save 20% on lead generation, would that be interesting to you? Great. Do you have 15 minutes to discuss that?" It is implied you are making a sales call--and you have generated interest and received permission. Thanks Michael. Keep those listener questions coming!

Be sure to read Part 1 of this article here.

Taking Responsibility

The more you take responsibility—for your emotions, your actions, your life the more you build self-esteem. It is not the person who upset you, it is that you became triggered—or that you lost facility. It is not that the cost of living is too high; it is that you are not generating enough income. It is not that someone treats you poorly; it is that you are ineffective at drawing appropriate boundaries. The locus of responsibility—and therefore power—is within you. Nothing is external. To blame someone is to give them tremendous power over you. When you forgo blame in favor of responsibility, you give up comfort, but you reap tremendous rewards—gaining power and building self-esteem. Sadly, I have even experienced people whose ego structure [development of self-esteem] is so insufficient that they will severely distort facts to make themselves look better—all unconsciously. That is, they are not even aware they are doing it. Their ego is so small and fragile it can not include possibilities that do not put them in the most positive light. They also cannot hear feedback. They take things personally that take great leaps of irrationality to do so. They will also have trouble telling the truth of their experience—they are too fearful. And they have a strong -- and at times desperate -- need for approval and acknowledgment from others.They are in egoic hell. Fortunately, the solution is simple. Not easy, but simple. And the more you do it the easier it gets and it is the only sure fire way to build your rational self-esteem; taking responsibility for your part in all things inter-personal. Seeing and examining your part—and ignoring the part the other person had to play in it. Blame serves no one. Responsibility gives you tremendous power.

“Do you want to be on the results side of the equation, or the excuses side of the equation? –Christopher Howard

Let’s leave that for now and move to identification. When you identify with an aspect of your experience: possessions, reputation, job, relationship, etc. you will experience extreme fear and perhaps panic if you think it may be taken from you or lost. You will then make choices and take actions out of a fight-or-flight state. Likewise, if it actually is taken from you or lost to you, you will experience loss, perhaps confusion, pain, at times even grief. Often depression and despair are not far behind. Both of these emotional experiences: fear and loss are clear indicators of identification; a case of mistaken identity. Who you truly are is that which is experiencing all of that. Pure awareness. The Witness.

The ultimate spiritual practice is dis-identifying from that which you think is you.”—Ken Wilber

Taking a step back, let’s look at this in more practical terms. The Witness is simply another perceptual position. As we discussed in the Rapport Module, there are at least 3 that you want to become facile in navigating: self, other, observer; or first, second, and third person perceptual positions. Witness is akin to an associated observer. I like to think of the first three as concentric circles, and the Witness as an intersecting circle that crosses all three. Mastery of this and the other perceptual positions will allow you to experience massive internal facility, emotional freedom, and the ability to relate to and understand many and multiple perspectives—even if you do not agree with them. You will have a greater scope of resources emotionally. You will have greater flexibility mentally. You will bounce back from unexpected events far more rapidly, and you will react less and less and respond more and more. Ultimately, you will foster the kind of flexibility and fluidity necessary for the 21st Century Marketplace and frankly, be happier, physically healthier, and more productive. Your clients and prospects will sense the difference—even if they lack the linguistic structures to navigate it or explain it—and that will translate to results for you. So that is what it is and why it is important, and what it makes possible…but how, Jason? How? You have to learn the set of skills that will allow you to observe your experience. That is: to have your experience without your experience having you. Just as in learning a new language, immersion is best at first if you are serious about learning the skill. There is a practice that I recommend. As in all things I recommend to you, I have either done it, am doing it, or practice it continually. I have experienced this particular immersion six times now. It is a meditative practice that has been working for the purpose of teaching witnessing faculties for 2,500 years now. No matter your religion, spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof, you will reap many benefits and those around you will take notice. And soon you will realize how critical a skill it is indeed and how positive its results can be. Find out more about scheduling this kind of immersion for yourself HERE. And then you will truly be an Evolutionary professional.